I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
