Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'm passing your future prison.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
