I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
