i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
