so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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