I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
pray to the hookup gods
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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