Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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