even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
