Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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