Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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