Buhtt sex?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
