I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
