The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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