i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
