Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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