I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
