Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
