so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
