i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
