i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Randomize
