How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
