The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
