So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
