In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
