found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Life is so much better after having sex.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
