3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
