So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
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