first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
