Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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