He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
