Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Someone shattered a urinal.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I love you. Go after that dick
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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