i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
40s are totally the cure
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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