I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
