Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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