the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
