and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
