The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
