My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
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He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
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I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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