Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
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