Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
