dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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