she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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