Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
