I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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