I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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