I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
