I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
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Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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