i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize