Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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