I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
