A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
why is half of my head shaved?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
