i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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