the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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