I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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