i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
