So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
