She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
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Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
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then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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