I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
