I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize