He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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