Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
