hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
